But, being an only child isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Only child too and your description matches mine pretty exactly, especially the cons. There can be huge benefits from being an only child, however, as with anything, there are some downsides. A lot of the stereotypes regarding only children are a result of the pioneering work of psychologist and researcher Granville Stanley Hall; in his 1896 study, “Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children,” (admittedly, a great title) Hall claimed that, “Being an only child is a disease in itself.” But then reality sets in and I realize that I don’t feel bad for having only one child and here are my reasons why: 1. I honestly don't even think about my non existent sibling's or their babies anymore because my nephews and my friends babies are so wonderful. I'm terribly bad at communication, so im lucky they're so loyal. Anyone else share in these? I try to protect to them an image of what I think they want to see. I honestly think it varies from person-to-person depending on your personality. I dictated what desserts would be eaten, what cartoon show would be seen etc etc. The exception to this comes maybe at music festivals, but I suspect it's the molly that helps me interact. Parents divorced at two. This is excellent and sums it up so well! Once they're gone, that's pretty much it for me having a family (unless I'm married by then). An only child herself, Lorrie was keen to stop there and give Tehya the same opportunity. Not that I wasn't loved... just that parenting was more of an obligation than something she really enjoyed. My mom has been single for most all of my life, and the times she wasn't she was either an affair (she didn't know, this lead to depression) or she couldn't accept the fact that she had to accept a male into her life because I was there. I like being an only child, because I get more stuff. Only child syndrome is not always a bad thing. I'm an only child and I was always sad about not having future nieces and nephews. Even though you're not being spoiled as an only child, you're getting 100 percent of the praise, attention, and Pokemon cards your parents see fit to dole out. I know that I don't need to take care of him at this point but I still worry, because there really isn't anyone else caring for him. Dad was really warm and had fun being a dad. You're the only one alone. Sure, she could benefit from having a sibling relationship. But, overall, I feel good about my decision. A century after iconic psychologist G. Stanley Hall’s famous proclamation that being an only child is “a disease in itself,” many only children and parents of singletons find that only-child … I constantly wish I had siblings so I could literally run away and never go back, but the guilt is so extreme. but I think it might affect people with different personality types more negatively. I always had trouble accepting this, and it took me being banned from more than one friend's house to -understand- respecting family rules. This right here. (Most end up doing so; I try not to take it personally.) Still love them though. My god I feel like I wrote this and forgot about it... it's like you plucked the words right out of my mind. I never thought about it like that! Only children don't really get anything. The only child syndrome does exist, people, I’m sorry to tell you. I relied on my own imagination and creativity when my friends weren't around and I spent time alone. People believe that they’re spoiled and lonely. I know I'm greedy, but I was raised that way. I'm introverted, bad at small talk, I fear bars, and in general after any interaction I have the sense that I've fucked up terribly. But then again, you need to clearly state this in this article because all sorts of people are reading this and even those parents with sensitive children may feel bad. Liked what you just read? Having an epiphany right now! To be honest i didn’t know anything else – it is my norm. Two, families are actually mini-societies or tribes. Edited to add, there were definitely pros too. Of course there are always outliers, but, as Susan Newman PhD, writes in The Case for the Only Child, a wide base of research shows “singletons are no more spoiled than the … For me, I'm not sure whether a lot of the problems I know I have when it comes to my social skills and the general way I carry myself stem from only child or a fatherless household. I'm also a "unofficial auntie" to one of my close friend's kids, but yeah, not the same. The truth is, only children sometimes get a bad rap — and this isn’t necessarily warranted, as we’ll soon see. Having younger siblings means you get some friends by default and get to teach them things. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. On the other hand, being an only child does not seem to be a good option either. You're the only one alone. Cookies help us deliver our Services. A couple relationships ended because, she tells me... "I was the most important thing.". I have a lot of friends and close friends, but no best friend and I think I'm mostly jealous of having the "blood best friend" I see other siblings have :(. I mean, I've got cousins I talk to 3x a year like everyone else, but that's just not the same. I am as a result of growing up an only child very much an "anarchist," where I feel all authority is corrupt in nature, be it parent over child or president over nation. I don't mind it at all even as an adult. 11 Answers. It’s being an only adult that sucks. I had this in school, and I have it at the office now. As a ten year old kid I found it easier to sit at a party and talk with the adults than running and playing with the younger kids. I've always been comfortable talking with adults. I’ve always loved being an only child. This coincides with how I have a hard time opening up in most scenarios. I'm realizing now it's possibly because I don't have a sister and have always wanted the closeness of having one. maybe it's just because I grew up as an only child in an Italian family, haha. A number of years back I lived with a roommate who was also an only child, and we stayed up late one night talking about how we thought that experience informed our adult selves. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Where we diverged was how that reality (of being alone and always having to seek out social connection) translated into us as adults. Being an only child was idyllic in many ways. As long as we are aware of where our weaknesses may lie, only child syndrome does not have to be negative. Things like, shame, embarrassment, and respect for the aged seem more prominent amongst people in large families. So, those are my reasons for being content with having only one child. Well attached to parents and well nurtured by them, the only child receives … As an only-child, I feel like, I was just a third adult in the house growing up with my parents. We landed on one commonality: We both recognized that during our youth/development our "default" was being alone, so any social stimulation/connection had to be sought out (compared to children with close siblings, whose default was to be often surrounded by social stimulation, and solitude had to be sought out). Grew up only hearing my mom bitch about my father. Agreed. Can't imagine how draining it would have been constantly sharing space with a sibling. Not just for negotiating curfew or things like that, but as a reality check. Especially this one. thanks everybody you got me thinking i guess its not theat bad being an only child and no i wouldnt tell my secrets to a one yr old i guess its a little to late for my mum to have a child :D. Update 3: lyk when he/she 10 im going to be 23 and im not telling my secrets to a 10 yr old :p. Answer Save. Being an only-child, I've noticed a couple things: One, only-children open up to people more quickly and more easily. Live with mother and grandmother. The only thing I don't do is open up more quickly and easily. I moved a few states away in my early 20s and I think it was the only way to develop and sustain my own identity. This makes me sad for my little man. I always wished I had a teammate since my parent were pretty much always a united front. Childcare costs. The best part of being an only child is also the worst. I get to be an aunt through my husband, so that's pretty cool. I didn't realise the negative of being a single child regarding parental deaths until I saw my grandparents pass away and watched how my aunts and uncles all turned to each other. That's just me though haha, others mightve liked the company. As an adult the thing I don't like about being an only child is all the memories other people have of growing up with siblings, things that I can't and won't ever be able to relate to. This really summed it up, especially about the parents and the Auntie situation. T he fact that I am an only child who does not come off as terribly messed up has made me a case study for friends who are on the fence about whether to have a second child. Spot on! My mom didn't have many friends outside work and my friends were a group of rag tag, too smart for their own good, best people I could ever ask for with tons of family problems of their own. Actually, I had friends with multiple siblings and they mostly seemed starved of attention. Also, the part of not being an aunt sucks, well probably future husband would have nieces and nephews . My friendship is a deep trust that takes time to develop. Honestly, the only big con for me is the idea of being alone taking care of them when they get older. In a nutshell, it taught me the importance of Solitude. Only child here. Claim. And we are planning on having only one child. I don't know how you raise ur children, but I'm sure it's good, so just if you decide to make her an only child. He worked too much though. Unfortunately, there are huge advantages to being part of a larger family. I always wonder if that's because I've never had to share, but I see it more as just I have a respect for everyone's space. My parents are older, divorced, and my father has been sick the last few years, and it is quite stressful because I'm young enough that I'm at the point where I'm still figuring everything out myself - school, getting a job, etc. An only-child family is a triangle and requires each person work hard to make sure no one feels hurt, excluded or favourited. Sure makes me think about the "need" for closeness thing I said. I enjoyed having plenty of time to myself. One of the biggest perks of being an only child is also one of its pitfalls: only children get so used to being alone that they have an independent streak that's difficult to break. I didn’t expect my dad to live, but he did. Same. I wonder if other only children feel the same way. It's NBD as an adult, but as a child you have to learn to enjoy your own company, doesn't stop that feeling of loneliness even if you have loads of toys. Not only do I have to reckon with the absence of the child I lost, I have to do it while acting as everything my daughter needs. I am an only child and so many people have always commented on it – usually negatively or with sadness. From what I have seen, only children tend to be powerfully parented. Maybe both. Then one day I was writing with King Henry and Shane McAnally, and Shane said, ‘Well, it gets lonely being an only child.’ The whole song just poured out from there. I tell my mom it's a blessing and a burden that no one with siblings will ever know. Me: 25. only child. I had two kids so they (hopefully) will have each other long after I am gone. I'm honest, but also highly protective of my ego. Perfect sum up. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It was G Stanley Hall, the American psychologist, who claimed being a lone child … Privacy is hugely important. Also I can be by myself in any situation and not get worried or 'lose it'. Yup. I am very bothered when I'm watched as I do a task. As someone who has a new born and doesn't really want to have any more kids (only have 1). Personally, I have sisters, but I have dated several only-child women, and I have to say… they’re unique. Would have driven me up the wall looking for some peace and quiet alone time to read books and such. I'm terrible at making friends. As a kid I always got along better with adults than children, but I grew out of that in my teenage years. All the cons right here. My own to add: once my parents are gone, I have no shared history with anyone. And my dad, who already lost both his parents, told me not long after his father died that I kinda replaced him in his mind. I've always been very outgoing and positive, so I ended up being more able to socialize and get along with adults rather than children (Which was helpful for job interviews, networking, getting into college, etc.) Nailed it. Clothes, toys and uniforms were all new and fresh. Even if they annoy each other a lot, they are basically unconditional life long friends that will be there. Christmas was very lonely, adults get boring. I'm positive, but not outgoing. Specially when I'm only living with my mother and have no more family after her, literally no one. You could have a spouse with siblings who have kids and be an auntie that way. I always favored wall or window seats because growing up in my own room and now living alone I just can't get used to the idea of someone working very closely next to me and not wanting to talk or something.